Does paying for your child's wedding mean you can dictate how it's to be?

One of my colleagues has been harping on and on about how she wants to host the wedding party at one of the most expensive hotels in Athens. Very posh and aristocratic. Indeed, it would be gorgeous. I did not however hear her mention anything about what her daughter wanted. I asked her and she replied that since the parents pay for the wedding, they have the right to plan it as they want.





I find this outrageous. It's like buying a sweater for someone that you like, regardless if they like it or not, only and only because you're paying for it. A wedding is a special day for the bride and groom... it's ';their day';. Little girls grow up dreaming of how they want their wedding to be. What is your opinion on this matter and what are your customs?Does paying for your child's wedding mean you can dictate how it's to be?
When a parent offers to fund a wedding they DO have some say in how their money is spent.





Back when I married the first time, in 1974, parents often funded their daughter's wedding and had ALOT of say in the wedding-and it was not challenged. If it was, the bride was CONSIDERED very ungrateful and could be told that if she didn't like it, she could elope.





The bride's parents were the ones hosting the party...as hosts THEY had the control and NO ONE questioned it....sure, the bride chose her colors, her gown, her attendants, the bride's maid's dresses, etc but the type of reception, the meal choices and what could be afforded/paid for...it was the parent's choice. If a bride wanted anything above what Daddy was willing to shell out for..it was on HER coin.....


While it WAS the couple's wedding, the bride's Parents were the ones GIVING the wedding therefore, it was THEIR SAY...and no one thought to question it.





Now fast foreward....





Couples often pay for their own wedding...in that case they DO get all the choices and the final say.....if parents contribute as a GIFT, then once that gift is given, they have no say in how that gift is used


however,


if they are funding the wedding like the good old days, then the good old days rule holds...the HOST has the final say because they that pay, have the say. The bride then finds she has no choice but to compromise if she wants the white wedding...the Holder of the Purse strings has the right to pay for or NOT pay for stuff with THEIR money....





Parents are not THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK or a money tree...'bout time young folk understand this.Does paying for your child's wedding mean you can dictate how it's to be?
Se parakalo (if you please)





Yes many a Greek does it this way but it is 2010 and this is NOT respectful of the couple





THEY must say to their family that they want it a certain way or they will not be there
No, it doesn't mean that you get to dictate, in my opinion. The wedding day is supposed to be about the BRIDE and the groom, not the mothers thereof. The families shouldn't ever try to plan THEIR dream wedding for their kids. If they really want to pay for stuff then they need to just hand over a credit card and state the limit.
I'm with you, it's their day, but some people feel that if they're going to shell out $35K they get all the voting rights.





My wife and I paid for our own wedding and reception. We didn't want any drama or UNWANTED input. We had total control.





Also, we live in a sucky economy and didn't want to hit our parents up for money.





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While I do think parents should get some say if they're paying, I agree with you that that's outrageous. Maybe she didn't really mean for you to take that comment seriously, or if the way you asked about her daughter's wishes embarrassed her since she'd been going on about what she wanted.
My opinion on this matter is that brides %26amp; grooms should get out of expecting parents to pay for their weddings and form a budget on their own which then gives them full and total authority over how the wedding will be organized.


If the parents wish to help, that is fine, and the couple should say ';this is our budget _$X_ , if you wish to pay for any part of it, you can make a check out to the two of us and we will use that money to pay the costs.';


That way if a parent becomes a dictator about the plans, the couple is having a wedding they can afford on their own and they can return the money to the parent.





I think a parent buys a say in the wedding when they pay for it - or at least that is how they feel about it.
I agree that just because the parents are paying or contributing to the wedding they should not plan it all! I think that the children should be respectful and include their names on the invites, and make a special thank you at the wedding. But ultimately, it is the bride and grooms day!
If you contribute financially to anything, you get input, but it doesn't mean you get total control. The contributing parents should be respectful of their child's right to have their dream wedding. If they are not, then the bride and groom should really finance their own wedding if they want it differently.
Ultimately, yes. If you are paying for something, you get to decide how the money is spent.





If it's YOUR day, then YOU should pay for it. If you don't want to share any of the decision-making, then don't let anyone else contribute financially.





Paying for a wedding isn't like buying a sweater. It's enormously expensive. When someone is spending that much, they get a say in how the money is used.





I love my parents dearly and I know that they will want to contribute something to the wedding. But if I'm mature enough to get married, than I surely should mature enough to budget, save, and pay for it myself.
Well my parents paid for our wedding, and while it was my day, she did have a say because she was the one paying, and it was their budget. At the same time, she wanted me to be happy and if something I wanted was possible, she wanted to try and make it happen for the most part. When we first started planning, she was like the lady you talked about, and I told her that if it took me paying for everything myself and not having her there, was not going to make this a stressful time for anyone. I appreciated that she was willing to pay, but her acting this way was making it difficult and if she continued acting this way, we could not accept them paying for it. She acted better about it, and I still did things her way, like she chose the food and helped pick out the bridesmaids dresses.
Ultimately, the wedding is about the union of the man and woman, the bride and the groom. Let them celebrate their Big Day how they choose. Don't use money as a carrot to hang above their heads.
To an extent, I think it's alright. My parents are paying for mine. What happens is I'll present them with options and then I'll let them decide from those options. Or I am open to suggestions.





Really... I am not a picky person. I might not be the best person to ask about this.
Yes, the parents should not disturb too much. If it is my wedding , I want everything to be like what I want, no matter who pays for it. It's my big day. I'm the queen.